Glad I never got my treehouse

"How was it?" Those three, little, predictable words make me cringe as they generally signify two things: A) My adventures are over, and B) Now I must attempt to summarize them in one word or a few digestible sentences. (Don't get me wrong--I love telling the tales, it's just that it's helpful when people have more detailed questions 😁). For those of you insisting in the broader, generalized version of how it was, it was everything. It was awesome and it was awful. It was terrific and it was terrible. It was "wow" and it was woe. I was all aboard a roller coaster of emotions. And the radio was playing a slighted version of a classic, "Favorite Things":

Raindrops on everything cuz' it's rainy season,

Ants and Mosquitos and Maggots for no reason (it's the weirdest, GROSSEST story!),

Peeing outside and compost toilets NOT fit for a king,

These are a few of my UN-favorite things 😣

I grew to accept the geckos in my room. 

However, feeling isolated and alone during my two weeks in Malawi was harder to swallow. It was especially difficult to discern my place and purpose there as I didn't feel welcomed or comfortable. I felt like this was my mountain AFTER the mountain. Not another one! I'm not strong enough. I read this excerpt from Jesus Calling while I was there volunteering. 

     "Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I'm leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe."

That hit it right on the head. I asked for this limb by name. I begged God to send me to this picturesque haven that seemed perfect on the computer. He listened and sent. I followed. I was willing. And as soon as I got there, that limb felt very flimsy and unsettling. You realize just how uncomfortable climbing trees are in the first place and the risks involved. You could fall and break a leg. You could scratch your elbow. You could poke your eye out with a pointy branch. It could happen 😜 Immediately I wanted to be in the comfy, carpeted treehouse. I wanted to drink my warm tea with the contentment of being on solid ground. But on the limb I had to stay for at least those few weeks. On the limb that was flimsy enough to test my trust but had ALWAYS been sturdy enough to support me. And not to mention offer me incredible views and the platform to jump and fly. 

This goes without saying, but, it's HARD to be uncomfortable! However, at the same time, it very much draws you to growth. Being uncomfortable helps you see things in new ways and be forever grateful for things not usually even on your radar, like flushing toilets, hand soap and the feeling of being clean. While my experience in Malawi wasn't quite what I expected, one thing remained constant: God provided. He sent me an angel named Evelyn on the bus to help me at a time of need. He sent me prayer partners back home to continually encourage me day after day. He sent me gorgeous scenery. 

Moreover, He sent me to the prison, of all places, to find Him in the most powerful way. I never would have expected that. Those guys I met in the prison had the most reverence and wisdom of anyone I met in my two weeks there. The scripture reading today says, "When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’" 

I saw God there. I felt Him. I talked about Him there, but more than that, I talked with Him. I sang with Him. I couldn't help tearing up each time I went there as I realized in humbleness that we are ALL sinners. We are all on the same page and we are all in need of mercy. My experiences in the prison were worth my moments of mild discomfort in my time in Malawi. He filled my heart full and sustained me throughout my time. It was worth it.

So I owe Africa a thank you. Thank you for your gorgeous skies. Thank you for entertaining me with views of playing monkeys while using the toilet outside. Thank you for the opportunity to see my first moon rise and increasing my appreciation and interest in stargazing. Thank you for quenching my thirst with your Carlsberg beer and demonstrating what a relaxed attitude and pace really look like. Thank you for your golden, delicious mangos and your super-sweet pineapples. Thank you for turning me more vegetarian after riding in a boat with a live chicken that was supposed to be my lunch (I refused to eat my new friend and ate rice and veggies instead.) Thank you for showing me that less is truly more and how joyful and content people can be who have almost nothing. Thank you for helping me perfect my peeing-outside technique and saving me from ever seeing a snake while doing so.) Last but certainly not least, thank you for increasing my tolerance level far beyond my expectations and helping me to remember how brave and strong I am. 

Now when I think about that flimsy tree limb God was calling me on, I'm thankful I never got my comfortable treehouse. God desired my trust. I followed, hesitant at times. What happened in the end surprised me. He didn't strengthen the flimsy branch, but instead he strengthened me so I could hold on for the wild ride.

My Everest

Monday, Jan 11, 2016- Day 1 of hiking Mt. Meru in Tanzania is in the books! AND no one feels completely miserable...yet. The coolest experience was seeing giraffes in the wild as we were just starting our climb. We also saw lots of monkeys, bushbacks (similar to deer), and some buffalo roaming the open plain. The climb was nice and easy at first and then, like the altitude, slowly elevated and made us winded. We hiked a total of 5 hours in the Arusha National Forest and saw Mt. Meru hovering over us as we climbed. It was nice to feel so small next to God's creation. I'm praying that I stay mentally strong and that my sore feet last the journey. I'm excited to break out the letters of encouragement I gathered from a few friends/family as a surprise to the other three girls. We have a steep 3-hr ascent starting in the am and our armed ranger, Milton, and guide, Freddie, will be leading the way (and their b.o. wafting 😣). I took my first bucket bath alongside my friend (HELLO, BONDING EXPERIENCE!) and then we had a nice dinner of leek soup, fried fish, potatoes, steamed veggies and warm tea   (All supplies, cookware, and our backpacks were carried up by our gracious porters-- most of them using their heads!) We were thankful to head back to our room (called Bushpig!) to call it a night. Bushpigs for life, forever oinking with my gals Chrissi, Jenny and Rachel. We are ready for more. Bring it on, Day 2.

Tuesday, Jan 12, 2016- Holy literal shit! How the bathrooms have gone back in time! Now we must teach ourselves to poop in a hole from a semi-standing position. My most primitive experience yet 😳 I am officially and most definitely outside my comfort zone. We started the day around 6:30am thanks to the loud African birds and humans, too 😉. Rachel gave us a pep talk, Mama Viviano inspired us via the letters and I prayed Psalm 121 for our journey during our breakfast of eggs, avocado and pancakes with PB and banana. We hiked STRAIGHT UP for 4 hours -3,000 ft- (thanks for your dedication to the cause, lungs!) and shared lots of heart along the way. I can't believe how well we are tolerating being at 12,000 ft! As if that wasn't enough, Jenny and Chrissi hiked Little Meru while Rachel and I rested, read, exchanged massage and prayed for positive attitudes. It was raining and foggy during their entire 2-hr hike so we expected the worst when they got bank but they blew us away with their smiles and great outlook. We are calling it a very early night (aka earliest I've ever gone to bed.ever.) as we have to wake at midnight for breakfast and hiking SUMMIT starts at 1am!!!! Nervous about tomorrow!

Wednesday, Jan 13, 2016- What a crazy bad dream of a day, starting at midnight when they woke us for our breakfast of cookies and peanut butter. At 1am, we set off into the pitch-black starry sky with headlamps glowing and started out supposed-to-be-5-hours-but-turned-out-to-be-7-hour hike to the summit of Mt. Meru, Africa's 5th tallest mountain with a height of 14,980 ft. HOLY HELL! Hardest physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually demanding day the 4 of us have ever had in our lives!! I definitely did not think I was going to make it to the top many, many, many times throughout the journey. But all 4 of us pushed well beyond our physical and mental limits and did the impossible. That was my Everest. It will always be. No other day has ever been that hard. It was BRUTIFUL. I would classify the "hike" as a combo of: rock-climbing, scaling, bouldering, climbing and mountaineering all in one. It.was.insane. Absolutely insane. We walked the first 6 hours in darkness (so happy as then we couldn't see how high, tough, scary, dangerous, etc, that we could see on the way back 😢) and imagined the scene of the Three Wise Men as they followed the bright star just as we followed the lit headlamps of fellow hikers in the distance and the brilliant stars in the night sky. All of us ended up crying, laughing, and praying desperately along the way. The letters of inspiration were crucial at this point as we rallied to the tune of "Toasties to the Top" [insert laughter and renewed hope] from our beloved Allison and repeated "inch by inch, life's a cinch" thanks to our dear friend's mom. I prayed like I've never prayed before. We sang, told stories, inspired/affirmed each other and were constant reminders of love, strength, and bad-assery...for 7 hours straight up and then 3.5 hours back down. By the grace of God and beautiful, pink, healthy lungs, we all made it to the top!!!! We were only allowed a few pics and 10 min top to collect our delirious selves and muster the strength to undo all that we just did!!!! Then it was back down the hellish, rocky boulder terrain of quicksand and around the "knife edge" wall only equipped with a chain link to prevent one from plummeting to his death. But God didn't let our feet stumble. And He indeed was our strength. So thankful for our Christ-like porters Tobias and Morris and their gentle, compassionate souls that assisted us in our journey, the tricky parts of the route and in carrying our things. They also did their part of inspiring us and singing us songs in return. So blessed to have them as I know I could NOT have done it without them. Once we made it back down to our camp, we got to rest an hour, eat lunch and then pack up to HIKE ANOTHER 3 HOURS!!!! 14 hour day on 3 hours of sleep with barely any nutrition and no water for the 2nd half as it ran out, with aching knees and feet from very steep descents and stone paths. Oh, and pouring down rain to top it off! Jenny coined it well- we all will likely have low-grade PTSD after this day. What a grueling feat that made me so damn proud of myself and my kick-ass gal pals!! We are so ready to get off this majestic mountain and NEVER do anything of the sort EVER AGAIN!!!

Thursday, Jan 14, 2016- I'm actually sad to leave the company of our awesome porters, chef, and climbing crew but my feet are so ready to get off this damn mountain. David, our our Good Earth Tours office guy, met us back at the original hotel for a 'chit-chat' and said there were a few changes--no safari game drive today (good! I probably would have slept through it!), but because of that, we have been UPGRADED to a 4-5 star hotel!!!! This is the most luxurious place I've ever stepped foot! What a beautiful change in pace, cleanliness and pampering!!! It felt like someone just handed me a million bucks! They greeted us with cool, CLEAN washcloths, a glass of champagne, cookies and the friendliest, brightest smiles 4 exhausted hiker girls ever did see! Our hilarious safari guide "Bushbaby" accompanied us and will start up the Land Cruiser in the am. Alas, tonight is time enough for the most rewarding and thorough shower, leg-shaving, 5-course meal, wine, and connecting with back home and the outside world. I'm in a blissful state as I drift to sleep in a king-sized bed with a mosquito canopy net, wood-fire burning in the room and warmed sheets. This is NOT real life, but tonight I will most definitely take it :)

Déjà vu

This is my sentiment as I pack up today for a month of Africa. A month of unknowns, likely hardships and moments way outside the comfort zone, insecurities, anxieties, fear, pain, etc. Five years ago today, I was packing for a year of service volunteering in an orphanage in poverty-stricken Peru. When I feel like I have experienced this moment before, it's because I actually have. It's so easy to let anxiety lead the show, take the ropes, steer the wheel, make decisions (or avoid making decisions) because of fear. Five years ago as I was readying myself for the adventure, I had some blips along the way too--poor planning and feeling disorganized--to the point of misplacing my passport and needing to postpone my trip in order to find it!!! I was so pissed at myself. Fast-forward to current day: poor planning and disorganized mess= scrambling at last minute, feeling like a human stress ball over trying to get a new location to volunteer and getting sick from all the stress. But what a lesson in having HOPE and seeing God's faithfulness YET AGAIN. When you leave room for Him to work and expect miracles (thank you, Allgeyers), it becomes SO evident that it was NOT YOU who made it happen! Looking back in the rear view mirror of my life, He's always come through. 100%. I'm definitely leaving room in my backpack for God- I would hate to attempt an adventure without Him. I'm counting on His grace to fix whatever I screw up! 😜